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There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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