Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
