What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize