haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
