Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
