i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
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if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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