You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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