I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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