Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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