Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
