in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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