I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
