Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
