why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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