I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
