I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
