I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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