What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
