Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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