I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
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pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
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