I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
