I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
