we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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