so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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