I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
