Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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