I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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