Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
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She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
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No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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