I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
