So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
