i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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