i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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