After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
