Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
