You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
