She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
