Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I want to fling myself into the sun
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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