Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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