using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
