She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
