the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
