Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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