Christians are straight up FREAKS
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
