her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
