I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
