I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
