He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
