remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
