She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
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She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
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We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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