I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
