No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
