My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
