I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
