Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize