Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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