why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
