i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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