you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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