she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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