My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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