you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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