Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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