I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
