My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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