That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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