Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
