Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
