I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
