If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
