omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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