I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
