chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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