I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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