shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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