I'm so fucking centered right now
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
