i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
