he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
