Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize