Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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