im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
