these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
