so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
