Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
