I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
