Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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