Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
