I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
